I love The Kid. She is the kind of kid who thinks a red velour skirt with a white bow, over blue jeans, topped with a short sleeved, purple striped, mock turtleneck, is a good look for school pictures. I am the kind of mom who lets her wear things like that. She has a need for fashion, all kinds of it at the same time. She is the kind of kid who contracts E. coli because she likes dead animals, grabbing them by the scruffs of their necks so she can make them “walk” as she plays house with them. When you tell her she can’t do that anymore…

I fully advocate telling lies to your kids if it’s for their own good and the sanity of your family. As a mom? I lie. I lie a lot. The thing is, I’m not great at it, but every time I do it The Kid believes me. I remember when she was little and refused to eat almost anything but macaroni and cheese and cereal. Those are the two staples that kept her alive. We used to have horrible fights at meal time, but then we became smarter parents and changed strategies. Eating should never be a stressful event. We decided to tell her that she had to have whatever…